The House 
Across the Way 



BY 



LEE OWEN SNOOK 




PRICE 25 CENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 



Franklin, Ohio 



RELEASED FOR AMATEUR PRODnCTlW. 

"The Little Politician" 

Br SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS 



A COMEDY IN FOUR AOTS 

SEVEN MALES AND THREE /^E MALES 



•^fpHIS play was produced professionally 
^^ for several seasons under another title, 
and is now released for amateur production 
without royalty and without restrictions 
of any kind. The scenery and costumes 
are simple. Time, about two hours. A 
young society girl plays an imt)ortant part 
in overthrowing a corrupt political boss 
and brings about the election of her 
fiance. The race for the hand of a 
wealthy v/idow by rival suitors furnishes 
the comedy. A pretty story is unfolded, 
but Vv^ithout actual love-making or any 
scenes objectionable to the amateur. 
Recommended for high schools and dra- 
matic clubs. 

|g@*Tlie garden party in the second act affords 
opportunity for the introduction of any number of 
characters. 

]PRICE, 23 CEXTS 

Sent Postpaid on Receipt ef Pries hy V^ 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAllENT HOUSE 

FrankliHj Ohio 



THE HOUSE ACROSS THE WAY. 



A Comedy Drama 



By LEE OWEN SNOOK. 



Copyright, 1915, Eldridge Entertainment House 



PUBLISHED BY 

Eldridge Entertainment House. 

FRANKLIN. OHIO 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Frkda Jones 

Betty Richards 

Dorothy Winters 

Jane Keller o^ 

—Co-eds. ^^^. \1^ 

Bob Livingstone Cq ^ ' 

Chauncey Waleingeord y\ 

Hal Wickeand 

Jack Spencer 

— Students at Arlington 

Academy. * 

Proe. Johann Schnitzel — A superannuated botanist. 
Mrs. von Klein — Preceptress Emeritus, and a widow 
with ambitions. 

Mrs. Warren DeBracey — An unconscious trouble- 
maker. 

Mrs. Wanthe Kale — In charge of the Waldorf Flats. 

EzA Lee Fatigued — Drawing pay as a janitor. 



ACT ONE. 

Time — Early autumn. 

Place — A wood near Arlington Academy. 

The picnic party arrives. 

ACT TWO. 
Place— The Waldorf Flats, 
Time — Two days later. 

ACT THREE. 

Place — A tenement building across the alley from the 

Waldorf Flats. 
Time — Four days later. 

ACT FOUR 
Place — Same as in Act One. tmdo^ ^^ 

Time-Ten days later. ^^^96^007158 

y)CI.D 42592 



DEC 20 iSi3 



The House Across The Way. 

ACT I. 

(Scene, a zvood. Enter Mrs. von Klein zcith 
basket, closely followed by all four couples. 
Mrs. von Klein in front center, the remainder 
equally divided: tzi'o couples on either side. 
Speaki)ig characters should occupy place near- 
est audience.) 

Mrs. von K. (Depositing basket in center and looking 
all about zvith great satisfaction) . An ideal location to- 
be sure ! The professor was right when he said this was 
the naturalist's paradise ! These wooded bowers, yon- 
der gently sloping hills with the purest of blue overhead !. 
The professor was indeed right ! 

(All folloiv chaperon's oratorical speech closely, and 
Hal, zinthout being seen by her, mimics ez'cry gesture and 
attitude, much to the enjoyment of the others.) 

Bob. (zcith affected dignity). Ladies and Gentlemen: 
— and you too, Wickland, (business of dodging a zcell- 
aimcd blozv from Hal's cane)- — I move you that we ex- 
tend a vote of thanks to our worthy chaperon and to 
Professor Schnitzel for their invaluable services of the 
past as well as of the present ! 

Chauncey (zvith his characteristic drazvl). I second 
the motion. 

Bob. All in favor of the motion as stated, make it 
known by saying "I." 

All. (enthusiastically). I! 

Bob. Motion carried. Is there any other business? 

Hal. Yes, there's some unfinished business that is go- 
ing to be finished mighty soon if you undertake to slan- 
der my spotless character by another such thrust as you 
made a moment ago. I stand ready to defend my sacred 
honor, (much bravado). 



4 The House Across the Way 

Jack. Ah sit down before you break something. Are 
you going to be a kid all your life? We came out here 
for a picnic, not an oratorical contest. 

Mrs. von K. There! there! boys. Let's have no ill 
feeling on such an auspicious occasion as this. Let 
nothing but gladness rule today. 

{Jack and Hal exchange sly, knoiving glances at the 
success of their little ruse.) 

Jane, {to chaperon). In order to separate these two 
Avarring factions, I shall conduct Hal to the spring which 
we passed a short distance from here, and we can bring 
enough water for dinner. Does my suggestion meet with 
your approval, Mrs. von Klein? 

Mrs. von K. A very sensible and practical suggestion. 
You have my permission if you have Hal's. 

{Jane takes Hal by the arm, and he accompanies her 
reluctantly, pail in hand, as if much displeased. When 
at extreme left, both turn and zvave a merry good-bye, 
while Mrs. von K. is busy zvifJi the details of unpacking, 
and does not see it.) 

Freda. We must have wood for the dinner fire, Mrs. 
von Klein, and if you are willing, I shall ask the other 
•disturbing element to go with me to collect fuel. 

Mrs. von K. A good idea ! Go right along ! ( Exit 
Freda and Jack at right.) 

{Bob unfolds camp chair at right and places it in 
readiness for chaperon.) 

Bob. Do have a seat, Mrs. von Klein, I know you 
must be awfully hot and tired after our long walk. 

{Mrs. von K. accepts, smilingly, expressing her thanks. 
Chaiincey leans lazily against tree at left meanwhile.) 

Betty. Shall we unpack the baskets now? 

Mrs. von K. You might as well, dear, for it will be 
late when we get back to town anyway. We spent so 
much time on the way, you know. 



The House Across the Way 5 

Dorothy, (looking up from zvhere she is already busy 
spreading out the tablecloth on the ground). Why, what 
time is it, Bob? 

Bob. (looks at icatch). 12:15 to the second. 

(During the course of the conversation which follows, 
the baskets are unpacked, and everything is made ready 
for lunch.) 

Dorothy. My, how time does fly when one's out for 
a good time ! 

Chauncey. (zcith a slozv drawl). Yes, good company 
does make a lot of difference. (Both girls look up 
quickly at speaker.) 

Dorothy. Well I hope you don't class yourself as good 
company. Why, you haven't said a word since we 
climbed the rail fence back there half an hour ago. 

Chauncey. For the love of Mike! girl, does a fellow 
have to chatter along like a magpie to be company? I'll 
leave it to Betty, there. Am I company, or not? 

Betty, (confused, appears not to hear). Dorothy, did 
you think to put some salt in the basket when you 
packed it? 

Bob. (Hilariously.) Stung! Sound taps, it's sleep- 
ing time again. {Chauncey shifts zveight to other foot, 
but says nothing.) 

Mrs. von K. You will pardon me if I appear to be 
taking too much liberty, but I have noticed an increas- 
ing amount of slang among young folks of late, and I 
always feel like crying out against it whenever I hear it. 
(Turning to Bob who stands at her left, hands thrust 
deep into his pockets.) Couldn't you have used a bet- 
ter word than that horrid expression STUNG? 

Bob. Well, yes. I might have said, "You appear to 
have lost the argument," but that would have taken the 
punch out of my statement. I beg your pardon, though, 
Mrs. von Klein, if my bowery stuff failed to make a hit 
with you. 

(Mrs. von K. makes gesture of despair and shakes her 



6 The House Across the Way 

head slondy, zvhile Boh nearly bursts zvith suppressed 
laughter.) 

Chaiincey. {to Mrs. von K.). He thinks that kind of 
talk makes him companionable. 

Mrs. von K. It's all a delusion. If we could only 
realize how perfectly awful slang sounds, I know we 
would never use it. 

Boh. {who has pilfered something to eat from 'the 
generous store). I'll admit that it is a bad habit, but on 
the square it just seems like I can't cut it out. 

{Mrs. von K. shakes her head despondently and sighs. 
She takes an unfinished handkerchief from her sezving 
hag and heg'ins to hemstitch the harder.) 

{There is a silence for several moments during zchich 
time Boh seats himself on the ground and zuatches 
Chauncey intently, as he leans listlessly against the tree. 
All look questioningly at him z^'hen he at last com- 
ments:) 

Boh. By Jing! there's one thing that's been worrying 
me more lately than a little, and it isn't my work in 
school, nor the eternal feminine, either, (sly glance at 
Mrs. von K., and at Dorothy). You know that com- 
pensation stu^ old Ralph Waldo wrote so charmingly 
about; how he said there was nothing wasted, and that 
what one lacked in one thing he made up for in an- 
other, — and all that bunk. Don't you know, I don't be- 
lieve a word of it. 

Betty. You don't believe much in anything that you 
can't see before your very eyes, do you? 

Boh. Ah, come off ! I'm talking seriously now. On 
the level now, Mrs. von Klein, do you believe that? 

Mrs. von K. I most assuredly do, Robert. Emerson 
was a great thinker, indeed, and I follow him implicitly, 
if not always understandingly. Something has evidently 
warped your judgment. I trust you shall not become a 
pessimist — a — Robert. 

Boh. Well now, for example, look over there in the 



The House Across the Way 7 

neighborhood of that tree (pointing at Cliaiincey). Do 
you mean to tell me that string has any real value in the 
world? Does the law of compensation hold good there? 

Mrs. z'on K. (adjusting her spectacles, and looking 
intently). I — I confess, Robert, I do not see any string. 

Bob. O hang it ! That's what slang does for a fellow. 
I mean that long, lean, lank, attenuated piece of human- 
ity masquerading in man's wearing apparel. 

(Girls burst out into fit of hilarious laughter, zMle 
Bob hides behind Mrs. von Klein.) 

Mrs. von K. (Raises hands in horror). ]\Iercy on 
us ! Such language ! You will be the death of me yet, 
Robert ! 

(Chauncey shifts his position to rear.) 

Chauncey. Don't pay any attention to him; he isn't 
responsible for what he doesn't know. He's harmless. 

(Jane and Hal enter from left carrying pail of zvater 
betzifeen them. They set it down in rear center.) 

Hal. Well that layout certainly looks good to me! 
I'm hungry enough to eat a man off a horse. 

Betty. You'll not have long to wait now, for every- 
thing's about ready. (To Jane.) Did you see anything 
of the fuel department? 

Jane, (zvith a zvink). Yes, I caught sight of them a 
time or two, and I never saw two people more interested 
in their work. 

Hal. Jack had a start before he went to look for wood. 
He came out here w^ith a chip on his shoulder. 

Bob. Help! Police! He's pulled a joke at last ! 
(Jack and Freda enter from right zvith fuel.) 

Jack. I'm with you. Bob! What's up? 

Bob. O nothing much. An alleged joke is in our 
midst. 

Dorothy. Never mind his foolishness. Jack. You 
make the fire for the coffee as soon as possible before 



8 '•^ The House Across the Way 

some of these hungry pirates make a raid on the table. 
{Jack takes coifce pot and exits right.) 

Jack, (as he goes). I'm surely a boy scout when it 
comes to making these outdoor fires with one match. I'll 
have the coffee on in two minutes. 

(Professor Schnitzel is seen in the background looking 
into the trees with an opera olass. No one sees him but 
Hal.) 

Hal. Halt, or I shoot! (Everyone turns in the direc- 
tion indicated by Hal.) (The professor turns like a flash, 
greatly agitated, then, seeing the merry-makers he doffs 
his silk hat and bows profoundly.) 

Prof. Bless my heart how you startled me ! I — I — I 
thought for a moment I was held up. 

Dorothy. You are, professor, you are ! We command 
you to dine with us ! 

Prof. Now — a — I — a — didn't — a — ! 

Hal. No excuses go, professor. You are my prisoner. 

Betty. You are heartily welcome, professor. You are 
the very one we need to complete the family circle. 

Mrs. von K. Yes indeed, my dear professor, you shall 
divide the honor of presiding on this occasion with me. 

Prof, (adjusting his spectacles). Well on my word, 
if it isn't Mrs. von Klein ! This is indeed a happy sur- 
prise. (He shakes hands cordially with her zchile the oth- 
ers look on, greatly amused. Jock enters from right.) 

Mrs. von K. Now that everything is in readiness, let 
us find our places at the table for this sumptuous repast. 
Professor have this place, (indicating head of table, farth- 
est in the rear). 

(All sit down by couples, Mrs. von Klein near the Pro- 
fessor.) 

Prof. I still insist that this is an imposition on my 
part, but as a captive of war, I have no choice. (The 
victuals are passed and everyone takes hold without cere- 
mony.) 



The House Across the Way 9 

Jane. What research work are 3^011 doing now, Pro- 
fessor? You know I have an especial fondness for 
botany. 

Jack. I notice that you carry a fine specimen with you 
a good share of the time, (dodc^cs a bread crust from 
Hal). 

Prof. I am interested especially, at present, in the 
study of toadstools and mushrooms. The whole sub- 
ject of botany is an absorbing science, but this particu- 
lar field is peculiarly interesting. Now these fungi are 
characterized in general by the fact that the mycelium 
lives entirely within the material which furnishes its 
nourishment. 

Chaiincey. (passing pickles to professor). Have a 
pickle. 

Prof. No, thank you. They are entirely indigestible. 
As I was saying, the mycelium lives entirely within the 
material which nourishes it, and it occasionally sends up 
into the air the spore-bearing structure that is called the 
toadstool or mushroom. 

Chauncey. (passing olives to professor). Have an 
olive. 

Prof. I am sorry, but I must refuse, since there are 
so many artificially colored olives these days that I could 
not think of eating them. But again to my subject: 
Those forms that are known to be good to eat are popu- 
larly known as mushrooms, while those that are not 
edible or that are poisonous, are called toadstools. 

(Mrs. von K. and Jane listen attcvJively, but the rest 
converse in ichispers. Jack e.rits right and returns zvith 
coffee.) 

Prof. The mushroom spawn that is sometimes pre- 
pared and sold in bricks to those who wish to grow mush- 
rooms, is simply a mass of mycelium. These grow and 
push their way to the surface. As the pileus opens, it 
is joined to the stalk beneath by means of a layer of 
hyphae. This, in some species, in breaking av/ay from 
the pileus, forms a ring or annulus about the stalk. 



10 The House Across the Way 

{Dorothy takes coffee pot and fittempts to pour the 
coffee for the professor.) 

Prof. Oh my dear, no. I would not dare to drink 
that nerve-wrecking fluid. I must keep my brain active 
and alert in the interest of science. 

{Dorothy pours for all, ivhile the professor continues.) 

Prof. Upon logs, trees, and stumps many kinds of 
toadstools are found, but most abundant are the species 
of polyporus and other genera. 

{At this juncture, Mrs. DeBracey appears in the back- 
ground. She conies sloii'ly toivard the group.) 

Mrs. DeB. I sincerely beg your pardon for thus rude- 
ly interrupting your conversation and intruding upon 
your privacy, but I have lost my way, it seems, and I 
am compelled to ask guidance from you. 

(All turn and look at nei^'conier. Boh, hozccz'cr, rises.) 

Bob. I shall be delighted to be of service to you in 
any way. 

A4rs. DeB. You are most kind, I assure you. I was 
on my way to a Mr. Wilson's who lives some distance 
from the city, and on account of the ideal weather, I 
chose to walk. The wood offered a short cut there, and, 
at the same time, I especially wanted to take a stroll 
through it while the weather is fine. But just what di- 
rection I'm going now, I'm not quite sure. 

Chauncey. (rising). Madam, I know this wood per- 
fectly, and I can direct you to Mr. Wilson's very easily. 
If I may accompany you to the other edge of the forest 
I can make sure that you have your bearings perfectly. 

Bob. Excuse me, but I shall not entrust the lady to 
your charge, Sir Knight of the Leaden Feet. I would 
be afraid our hapless stranger would be overtaken by 
Father Time before you ever got anywhere, {aside to 
Chauncey). Besides, I saw her first. 

Chauncey. {advancing tonmrd the nozv thoroughly 
embarrassed lady). I contend that you do not have the 



The House Across the Way 11 

decision in this case. We shall leave it to the lady, her- 
self. 

Mrs. DeB. {much frustrated). My dear young men! 
{Here the girls look aghast at one another.) I shall be 
only too glad to have either of you do me this great ser- 
vice, but I hope I shall not be left to decide which shall 
go, for I have no preference. 

Prof. Schnitzel {rising and hozving profoundly). My 
dear madam, if I may address you thus, in case of a con- 
troversy I deem it a Christian act, on my part, to be the 
arbiter. Now I, myself, know these woods like a book. 
I spend virtually three-fourths of my waking hours here 
in the interest of science. Therefore, since our young 
friends seem unable to come to an understanding, I offer 
my services gladly. 

{Mrs. von K. shozvs signs of agitation by spilling her 
coffee.) 

Mrs. DeB. I'll tell you how you might do. Why don't 
you all three come. I'm sure I shall have ample protec- 
tion then. 

Bob. {to CJiaiincey). Are you game? 
Chauncey. Can a duck swim? 

{They advance tozcard the lady, zvho stands there smil- 
ing. Bach offers his arm. She takes both.) 

Mrs. von K. {rising, and much concerned). Then. 
you aren't going. Professor? 

Prof, {shrugging his shoulders). Evidently not., 
{The three exit right.) 

Hal. {turning to Betty and Dorothy. Dramatically) . 
Alone ! alone ! all', all alone ! Alone in the wide, wide 
woods ! 

{Freda, Jane, Jack and Hal indulge in a good laugh 
at the expense of the girls. Both Betty and Dorothy rise 
indignantly.) 

Betty, {to Dorothy). Well what do you think of 
that? ■ {Looks in direction of disappearing trio.) 



12 The House Across the Way 

Dorothy. Think? Why it only confirms the opinion 
that I have had for a long time. Every man is as fickle 
as the spring sunshine. That April variety, I mean. You 
never know what they're going to do. I'm thoroughly 
disgusted, myself. 

Betty. And just to think. They didn't have the court- 
esy to excuse themselves. And it had promised to be 
such a delightful outing, (begins to cry). I'm going 
home right now, and I'm through with every fellow in 
existence, forever. (Mrs. von K. puts her arm about 
her and comforts her.) 

Mrs. von K. There, there, dearie! Don't cry! You 
can't expect anything better from them. I've had some 
experiences myself, and I confess men are not to be 
trusted very far. 

Prof, (rather awkzuardly) . I — I — I feel like this is 
no place for a nervous man. With your permission, Mrs. 
von Klein, I believe I shall continue my search for speci- 
mens. 

Mrs. von K. (drazving herself up proudly). You cer- 
tainly have my permission to go. 

Prof. I bid you good day, one and all. 

(No response. The professor slips azvay at left.) 

Dorothy, (hastily bringing fonvard the basket and 
picking lip dishes here and there from the table.) Here's 
where I leave, {turning to the other tiuo couples). I'm 
done with Bob Livingstone for good, and I'll say that 
you two girls are fools if you have anything to do with 
any of the click. 

Jack. Am I a click? 

Dorothy. You're not the zi'holc thing. You're a little, 
integral part, though, (very sarcastically). 

Jack. Well, you can't beat that ! Eh, Hal ? 

Hal. I can't even tie it. 

(Jane motions Hal to her as she stands at left. He 
goes over to her hesitatingly. She half zvhispers) : 

Jane. You see the situation, don't you? But in order 



The House Across the Way 13 

not to make Betty and Dorothy mad I'll have to side in 
with them. Do you see? 

Hal. It's as plain as mud. Go on. 

Jane. Now we must pretend to quarrel, also, so as to 
carry out the plot. 

Hal. (loudly). To carry out the what? 

Jane. Hush! Hush! The plot! the plot! We just 
pretend to quarrel. 

Hal. You're ,on. When shall we begin. 

Jane. Right now, but don't overdo it. 

Hal. Well, here goes, (zvalks over tozvard Jack zvho 
is in close conversation with Freda at right). Ah, come 
on ! Let's not argue with them, (zi'inks at Jack). There 
never was a woman who had the sense of a gray goose, 
anyway, (aside to Jane). How's that? (Jane nods.) 
Let 'em go home, the babies ! 

(Jane picks up dishes to put into her basket, hut says 
nothing. Jack and Freda separate and Freda packs up 
too.) 

Jack. Can I help any? 

Freda. No thanks, I'll call on you if I need you. 

Jack, (going oi'cr to Hal and making a ziry face). 
Say, Hal, won't you extract that stinger for me? (Holds 
up zvrist.) 

(Hal and Jack go over to front right and stand zvhis- 
pering. Hal has arm about Jack's neck. Then they turn 
and zi'atch the others silently, as they prepare to leave. 
When all is in readiness, the girls and Mrs. von Klein 
start uncerenioniously off stage at left.) 

Hal. (shouting after them). Well, so long, disciples 
of ]\Irs. Pankhurst! 

(Jane and Freda look around and nod smilingly at 
them, but zvithout being observed by the rest. Hal and 
Jack scat themselves on camp chairs that have been left. 
Hal on left; Jack on right.) 

Jack, (after a thoughtful pause). We seem to have 
full possession, don't we? 



14 The House Across the Way 

Hal. Exactly, doubtless. But somehow I wish that 
Parisian model had stayed at home today. Don't you? 

Jack. You know my sentiments, I guess. I hadn't 
gotten half enough to eat when the lightning struck. 

{Boh and Chauncey come in at right, and, seeing the 
tzvv lone hoys, shozv-signs of great surprise.) 

Boh. In the name of cats what's happened? 
Hal. (dryly). The birds have flown. 
Boh. Out with it. What in Heck's the matter? 
Jack. We are widowers, and all because of a picture 
hat, and a pair of fools. 

Chauncey. {taking up his old position at the tree, left.) 
CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 



{Room in Waldorf Flats. Entrance at right 
and left. Big zuindozv in center, rear. Fireplace 
at R., couch at left of zvindozv, tahle at R., cen- 
ter. Chairs, rugs, and other accessories to suit 
living room setting. Girls hring zmth them suit- 
cases filled zintli z'arious articles for room and 
hedrooni adjoining, such as pennants, pillozcs, 
pictures, chafing dish, tahlecloth, etc. It is sug- 
gested that a zvindozv-seat he provided for the 
hig zi'indozi' and that this zcindozv seat serve for 
place in zvhich to store dishes, etc., used hy girls. 
It also serves to fill up hack zvall space. A 
steamer trunk should he provided for this act 
also. The decoration and fitting up of the room 
is left quite largely to the tastes of the girl-:.) 

{Enter Dorothy, Betty, Freda, and Jane, preceded hy 
Mrs. Wanthe Kale zilio carries a hig hunch of keys.) 

Mrs. W. K. Well, here you are girls. Everything 
strictly modern and up to date. It is the chance of a 
lifetime for four girls like you to get apartments like 
these. Do you not agree with me? 



The House Across the Way 15 

Dorothy. Yes, it will make cozy quarters for us, and 
I thmk everything will be quite satisfactory, (fiiniin^ to 
Jane) . Don't you think so ? 

Jane. Yes, if the price is right. 

Dorothy. Sure enough. I never once thought of that. 
I don't know what we'd do without a business head to 
this firm. You always were practical, Jane. 

{Mrs. W. K. stands at right with hands on hips.) 

Mrs. W. K. {interrupting). Oh have no fear about 
that, my young ladies. I assure you that you will be as 
surprised at my price as at the agreeable appearance of 
my rooms. Now the last occupant of this room stayed 
with me a year and a half. A recommendation in itself. 

Jane. And what did you say was your rate? 

Mrs. W. K. Indeed. How stupid of me. Only eigh- 
teen a week, my dear. 

{All shozi' their astonishment, but Betty who stands 
at rear left, drops suitcase zvhieh she has' thoughtlessly 
retained in her hand). 

Jane, {in an undertone). I'm glad you addressed me 
as "dear." It's so appropriate. 

Mrs. IV. K. {in surprise). Then you think my rate 
is high? 

Jane. Oh no. Don't misunderstand me, my dear lady. 
We seldom are treated so cordially, even after we have 
known our landlady for a much longer time. 

Mrs. W. K. {turning to Dorothy). For about how 
long do you think you shall want these rooms ? 

Dorothy (turning to Betty). About how long would 
you say? 

Betty. Well, not over a year and a half, I'd judge. 

Dorothy, {to Mrs. W. K.). I'll tell you what we'll 
do. We'll guarantee to stay two weeks at the present 
rate, and then reserve the right to vacate if we find the 
rooms are not to our liking. 

Mrs. W. K. Suit yourself, my dear. Suit yourself. 



16 The Hoitse Across the Way 

That is entirely satisfactory, (starts to leave). You 
girls have no idea of the expense of running an estab- 
lishment of this kind these days of high prices. Why, 
my janitor has asked for a raise in salary twice within 
the last month, and he isn't a fellow who worries much 
about finances either, as a usual thing, (at the door, 
left). Now make yourselves perfectly at home, girls, 
and I shall have the rest of your baggage sent up at 
once, {exit left). 

{Betty sinks into chair at left ; Freda goes to inspect 
bedroom at right; Jane stands looking out of windozv; 
Dorothy unpins her hat and tosses it upon the table, and 
stands at right center.) 

Dorothy, {after a thoughtful pause). Well, I sup- 
pose there's no use moping around here like a funeral 
had just taken place. We're here and we'll have to make 
the best of it, that's all. Perhaps we can find more rea- 
sonable rates in a couple of weeks. At any rate we will 
be free from those hangers-on who have been pestering 
us for the past year and a half. They'll never find us 
here in a month of Sundays if we are just a little care- 
ful, {picks up suitcase and opens it upon table). 

Jane, {at zvindozv, zvithout turning). I'm not so sure 
I want to be too careful about it. {Betty and Dorothy 
look at her quickly.) 

Betty. What. You aren't getting cold feet are you? 

Jane. No, not exactly, but sometimes I feel like this 
is a fool escapade, after all, and that we might have 
found a better way of dealing with the boys. 

Dorothy, {indignantly). Boys, indeed. Flirts, you'd 
better say. As for me, I'm going to stay here a while 
if I have to pay that old money-grabber the eighteen a 
week myself. 

Betty. Now you're talking sense, Dorothy. Of 
course we are a good long way from the college, and 
we cannot have the good times we had at the dormitory, 
but even if our location is found out we shall not be 
pestered much with those — flirts. We'll show them that 



The House Across the Way 17 

they are not absolutely indispensable to college life, {lays 
aside hat and proceeds to unpack suitcase.) 

{Jane turns sloidy from the zanndow and zvith a sigh 
begins to unbuckle her suitcase.) 

Freda, (coming in from right). Say, girls, you ought 
to see that bedroom, (girls all look up from their zvork). 

Jane. Why, what's the matter? 

Freda. Matter? Oh, nothing much, only we'll have 
to draw straws to see who sleeps on the fire-escape. It's 
all right, what there is of it, but there's where the rub 
comes. 

Jane, (dryly). I'm glad I brought my folding tooth 
brush along now. 

Dorothy. I guess we can stand it for a couple of 
weeks, and then if we can't find another place we can 
go back to the old rooms. The boys, (looking at Jane) 
will surely have taken the hint by that time. 

(At this juncture a series of loud sounds are heard 
from the direction of the stairs, and all the girls look up 
in surprise. There is then a very slozv and measured 
knock at the door.) 

All. (in concert). Come in. 

(Bzo Lcc Fatigued laboriously rolls a steamer trunk 
into the room and sits dozi'u upon it zvithout saying a 
word. He mops his brozv zvith a red, bandana handker- 
chief. Girls all look at him in amazement but say noth- 
ing for some moments.) 

Jane, (staiidiiig on a chair hanging a picture at left 
of zvindozv). I think there's a quarter in change there 
in my pocketbook. (points to purse on table. Freda 
takes money from the purse and advances cautiously to- 
zvard janitor zvho leisurely holds out hand to receive it.) 

Bza Lee. Thank you miss. This is a rare occurrence 
for me. It seems like a hustling, ambitious man is never 
appreciated, sometimes, but there are a few people left 
yet who really know a man's worth. 

Betty, (decorating mantle at right). The fact of the 



18 The House Across the Way 

case is that most men don't deserve any credit. I know 
I'm not as competent to judge as some, but what little 
I've seen of them, fully convinces me that they're only 
a necessary evil which we must school ourselves to en- 
dure. 

Dorothy, (putting cloth on tabic). Bully for you, 
Betty. Those are my sentiments to a dot. 

£^a Lcc. {rising and yaziming lazily). Every one to 
his own taste as the old woman said who kissed the cow. 
I'd like to discuss the question more fully with you but 
I've got to hustle down and get at my work, (zvalks to- 
zi'ard door as if he never expected to reach it. His speech 
should also be in keeping zinth this excessively lazy man- 
ner.) 

Bza Lee. (opening door at left to go). This old 
world is nothing but a hurry and a scurry from morn- 
ing till night. (^,r/^). 

Dorothy, (engaged in fixing up room). There's an 
example of a man for you. Not worth the powder to 
blow him up, and yet dying to be appreciated. 

Freda. (unfolding clothes from suitcase). You 
mustn't be too severe, Dot. Every man didn't pilot a 
lost woman through a lonely wood, you know, (zvalks 
tozmrd right and enters bed room). 

Betty. Another weakling in camp. First Jane shows 
the white feather, and now Freda shows signs of repent- 
ance. 

(Freda heard singing in adjoining room.) 

Jane, (arranging curtains at zvindozv). She doesn't 
seem as solemncholy as you'd think a girl should who has 
just entered into a bargain to boycott most of the joys 
of life. 

Dorothy, (indignantly). The joys of life. Look-a 
here, Jane Keller, if you're going to feel that way about 
it we'll give you a chance to withdraw from this asso- 
ciation of man-haters while the withdrawing's good. We 
don't want any lukewarm members. 

Jane. Don't get excited, sour grapes. You'll be as 



The House Across the Way 19 

ready to call it quits in a couple of weeks as any of us 
You just see if you aren't. 

Dorothy. We'll see. 

Betty. I think the next thing on the program should 
be some supper. I'll confess that my trouble hasn't killed 
my appetite m the least. How about you, Dorothy? 

Dorothy. Well, I guess I could oartake of a little 
nourishment if I had a chance. {Jane is seen to make 
gestures at zi'indoiu as if nmving at someone across alley 
hut IS not seen by girls.) 

(A sound of breaking glass from the bed room.) 

Betty. There goes Freda again. She will break more 
stuff than we can pay for. (holloas to Fredao Hey 
there ! What are you trying to do ? 

Freda, (appearing at doorz.m'). Oh thunderation I 
was just turning around in there and I knocked the 
cologne bottle off the window sill and it fell three stories, 
that's all. Almost hit the hustling janitor, too. 

Dorothy. Too bad it hadn't. Maybe it would have 
waked him up. I suppose he was leaning against the 
building to rest, 

Freda. Say, when do we eat? 

Jane. Second call for lunch. 

Freda. I'll tell you what let's do. Let's draw cuts to 
see who goes after the eats. I'll make out four slips of 
paper and the first two names drawn go. How's that? 

Betty. I'm willing. 

Dorothy. Same here. (Jane looks out of idndoiv and 
appears not to hear them.) 

Betty, (to Jane). Say, are you president of the Open 
Window Club, or are you flirting with the janitor? 

Jane, (turning around). Neither. I'm trimming a 
ne\y fall hat. Go ahead with your drawing. (Freda 
zvrites names on four slips of paper and places them 
upside dozi'n on the table.) 

Freda. All right, now draw. 



20 The House Across the Way 

Betty, (after looking at the slip she drazvs). I lose. 

Jane, (drazvs and reads). Dorothy, 

Dorothy, (to Betty). It's you and I for it. Let's go. 
(They make ready to go.) 

Freda. I'll tell you where the best grocery in town is. 
It's about five squares down, but it will pay you to go 
there. You remember that neat, little corner grocery 
we passed on the way up here don't you? On the right- 
hand side coming, just across from the Baptist church. 
(Dorothy and Betty at left ready to leave.) 

Betty. I know where it is, but please remember that 
we are not training for a marathon. 

Dorothy, (to Jane). Don't fall out of the window 
while we're gone. 

Jane, (calling after them). Don't you worry about 
me. 

(As soon as they have gone Jane rushes tozvard Freda 
and takes her by the hands and shakes them vigorously.) 

Jane. Freda, you're the stuff. You arranged that to 
perfection. But how were we lucky enough not to draw 
the slips with our names on? 

Freda. That's easy enough. I didn't write our names 
on them at all. 

Jane, (pointing her finger at Freda). You're a cheat. 

Freda. I know it, but you know that old saying about 
everything being fair in war, don't you ? 

Jane. Yes. I understand you perfectly, but let's get 
down to business. We must make the most of the oppor- 
tunity while the girls are gone. 

Freda. They'll be gone quite a spell if they go to that 
grocery I suggested. 

Jane. The boys are moving in, did you know it? 

Freda. Know it? If I hadn't been so absorbed in the 
deaf and dumb conversation across the alley with Jack, 
I wouldn't have knocked the cologne bottle oft' the win- 
dow sill. 



The House Across the Way 21 

Jane. Now we mustn't let Dorothy and Betty know 
that the boys have located us if we can help it. At the 
proper time they can know but not now. The girls are 
both as stubborn as mules, and if we are to bring mat- 
ters around all right again, we'll have to use some stra- 
tegy. 

{A sound is heard at the zmndozu and both girls turn 
quickly. Jack pokes his head in through the zvindow cur- 
tains. As the curtains are pulled aside, Hal is seen to be 
crazcling along on a plank zvhich reaches from the zvin- 
dozv across the alley to the zmndozv of the girls' room.) 

Jack. Is the coast clear? {purposely slips as if about 
to fall. Girls utter scream and grasp each other in their 
fright.) 

Jack. Fear not, fair ladies, the plank only slipped a 
trifle. (Crazvls into room and turns to hold the plank 
for Hal.) ^ 

Freda, (greatly excited). But why did you take such 
fearful chances. Jack ? 

Jack, (mock heroically). For you, Princess, for you. 
Freda, (to Jane, rapturously). How splendid. How 
splendid. How romantic. 

(Jane sees Hal crazding along the plank.) 

Jane, (greatly excited). Do be careful. One false 
step and you are lost. 

Hal. The way this plank bends and jiggles it's more 
like a two-step than anything else. (Hal crazcls into 
room and pulls the curtains together.) 

Hal. Well, how's everything in Pankhurstdom ? 

Jane. Just fine, so far, but you people across the way 
must not let Dorothy and Betty know that you have 
moved in or the whole plan is a failure. 

Jack. Leave that to us. We have everything fixed, 
rear entrance and all. 

^ Freda. We'll have to discuss our plans mighty hur- 
riedly, for the girls will be back in a few minutes. 



22 The House Across the Way 

Hal. Well, state your proposition. 

Freda. Of course it's out of the question for us to be 
seen italking together on the campus or anywhere else, 
and most of all, here in this room. What would Mrs. 
von Klein say if she found us here ? 

Hal. Never mind Mrs. von Klein, go on with your 
story. 

Freda. I know Betty and Dorothy are suspicious of 
us, and they watch us like hawks. I think they'd make 
up with Chauncey and Bob in a minute if they weren't 
too stubborn to do so. They might have known the 
boys were only in fun. 

Jack. And they absolutely refuse to listen to any ex- 
planation, do they? 

Jajie. That's the case exactly. Now it may be that 
we can arrange for a meeting for us all at the proper 
time and bring about a reconciliation. 

Hal. Set the time and place, and all four of the Hall 
Room Boys will be on deck. Until that time we are to 
play dead, eh? 

Jane. You guessed it. 

Hal. But how are we going to arrange to communi- 
cate so as to see how everything's progressing? Shall 
we write? 

Ja)ie. No, that wouldn't do, for Dorothy and Betty 
get our mail about half of the time, and they'd know your 
handwriting. 

Hal. But suppose we'd get someone to address the 
letters? 

Jane. That would be all right, but an easier way would 
be to throw a note across from one window to another. 
Whenever you see the window-shade of the bed room 
window pulled just half way down, you may know that 
the coast is clear. If it's clear up or clear down, you 
are to keep mum. 

Jack. That will be fine practice for the old pitching 
arm. {making motion zmth right arm). I'll buzz the 
notes across there like the 20th Century Limited. 



The House Across the Way 23 

(A sound at the door. All look questiomngly at one 
another. Jack crazuls under table; Jane points to conch, 
and Hal tries to crawl under. The door opens slozvly and 
the janitor pokes his head inside.) 

Bza Lee. I'll bring that other trunk up just as soon 
as I get time. I'm extra busy today. 

Jane, (unth sigh of relief). Any time within the 
week. Mercury. 

(Janitor closes door, and Hal and Jack emerge from 
their hiding.) 

Jack, (crazcling from under tabic). I thought the 
jig was up that time. 

Hal. {craivling out). Here too. Did you see me do 
the rapid disappearing act? 

Jack. You're a shark at that, sure enough. {Another 
noise at zcindozv, and Bob pokes his head in.) 

Bob. Hello, neighbors? 

Freda. Go back, go back. I think I hear the girls 
coming. (Holds up her hand to indicate silence, and all 
listen.) 

Bob. I can't. Chauncey's right behind me and I can't 
turn around on this blasted thing. It's all I can do to 
stay on while I'm going straight ahead. I don't know 
what would happen if I tried to craw-fish. 

Hal. Then come on in, and be in a hurry. Then we'll 
give a life-like demonstration of four fellows spanning 
the chasm. Hurry. 

(Bob clambers into the room. Chaunccy has hard time 
getting across and causes much delay.) 

Bob. (calls). Come on, you chump, or back up, one 
of the two. 

Chaunccy. I can't do either. I'm stuck, I guess. 

Bob. What's the matter? 

Chaunccy. I've got my coat tail caught on a nail. ^ 

Bod. (greatly aggravated) . Back up a little, you fool. 



24 The House Across the Way 

Then you can get loose. {Chauncey slips as if about to 
fall. All look greatly frightened.) 

Boh. Look out. For heaven's sake don't fall. You're 
about as handy as a cow with a side pocket, {to Jack). 
Help hold this plank from slipping until the lubber gets 
in. {at last Chauncey gets across, and enters the room. 
He sits on the couch and trembles and puifs as if scared 
to death.) 

Hal. {Starting to climb out of zvindozif). Here goes. 
Follow me as soon as I get across, {crau'ls out of win- 
dow onto plank. Dorothy and Betty are heard in the 
hall.) 

Jane. Hurry, Hal. They're coming. 

Preda. Shall I lock the door? 

Jane. No, that wouldn't do. 

{Jack is just crawling out of windozv as the two girls 
enter. Bob and Chauncey, with no place to hide, stand 
by the window and look helplessly on.) 

Dorothy. Bob Livingstone, what are you doing here? 
Bob. {greatly embarrassed) . Why a, why — d,. {turns 
to Chauncey). What are we doing here, Chaunce? 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



ACT III. 



{A room in a tenement across the alley from 
the Waldorf Flats and directly opposite the 
girls' living room. The scanty furniture con- 
sists of three spring cots, one of them set up 
and the other tzvo folded and slipped under- 
neath. Cots at left of zmndozv. IVindozij in 
middle. A plain kitchen table, or if desired, cov- 
ered with oil cloth; a Morris chair; three or 
four common chairs; an alarm clock; either a 
gas stove or a small heating stove; a rude cup- 
board, made of a pine box and hung zmth cheap 
curtains; a small study table and study lamp, 



The Hoicse Across the Way 25 

either electric or kerosene; dish pan, tea kettle, 
four plates, four cups and saucers, knives and 
forks and other simple dishes used by the four 
constitute the room equipment. Several pots 
and pans may be hung on rear zvall near stove; 
zvash pan on pine box, zvater pail and coal 
bucket, several pictures cut from magadnes, 
tacked to the zvall; in short, the room is to rep- 
resent a very plain interior htted for kitchen, liv- 
ing room, sleeping room, etc. Walls should not 
be overly good in appearance, although this is 
not of great importance. Bob is discovered 
zmshing dishes at right of table, right. He has 
his sleeves rolled up and a flour sack tied about 
his zi'aist for an apron. The dishes are piled up 
around table. Chauncey is lounging in Morris 
chair at left, reading.) 

Bob. {after quite a pause). I thought this was your 
night to wipe the dishes. 

Chauncey. It was, but I was forced to break my en- 
gagement. 

Bob. All right, old sport ! You just wait until to- 
morrow night, and see how much help you have with the 
dishes ! It's a cinch you needn't call on me. 

Chauncey. Well, I'm not going to worry about it. 
You can never tell, there might not be any dishes to 
wash. 

Bob. Say, on the level, Chaunce, you're the laziest 
mortal I ever looked at ! What do you ever expect to 
amount to ? You could go to sleep with work all around 
you. Did you ever worry about anything in your life? 

Chauncey. Yes, I believe I did once. I just couldn't 
help it that time. 

Bob. By grabs, I'm gettin' interested ! When was 
that memorable occasion? 

Chauncey. It was when I was balancing in mid air 
on the plank, three stories from the ground. 

Bob. (laughing). I'll give it to you this time. I'll 



26 The House Across the Way 

vouch for the fact that you were really worried that time. 
You were as limp as a rag. (laughs). 

Chaiincey. {meditating). Now, laying all jokes 
aside, what good does it do to worry? Worry never 
helped a fellow to do a thing better, nor changed things 
one way or another. It simply makes one unfit for the 
task, and it gives the hair-dyers and wrinkle-removers 
a chance to make a living. 

Boh. Yes I know that's good philosophy, but I be- 
lieve a certain amount of worry is absolutely necessary 
if a fellow's ever going to amount to anything. You've 
got to turn things up. They are not going to turn up 
on their own accord, and I claim that you've got to, 
worry some, or this turning-up process isn't going to 
work. 

Chauncey. Well, I suppose that's true in a measure, 
but as a usual thing, a person's a fool to worry. Do you 
know, nine-tenths of the things we dread, and fume 
around about and worry over never happen? Did you 
ever think of that? 

Bob. Yes, I have thought of it, and I know that many 
of the things I've worried about weren't half as bad 
when they happened as I thought they'd be. But with 
all of that I worry just the same. It's a disease with me, 
I guess. 

Chauncey. Now you have it exactly. I'll admit that 
many are born to worry because they have inherited cer- 
tain kinds of dispositions, which govern them more or 
less, but I think a person can gradually school himself 
so that worry is not a big factor in his life. 

Bob. I guess that's true. At any rate you're a good 
example to the ones who wish to learn this anti-worry 
art. 

Chauncey. {reading). Thank you. 

Bob. {after a pause). Where did the fellows go? 

Chauncey. Out to reconnoitre a little, I guess. 

Bob. I guess we didn't strengthen our cause any when 



The House Across the Way 27 

Dorothy and Betty came back unexpectedly, and found 
VIS in their room. 

Chaimcey. Well I should judge not, if what Freda 
told Jack is so. 

Boh. What was that? 

Chauncey. {putting hook aside and rising). Oh, she 
said the girls were as mad as wet hens, and besides, it 
took all kinds of persuasion on the part of Jane and 
Freda to keep the other two from thinking a conspiracy 
was on foot. I guess they fixed it up all right. At any 
rate, they're all bunking together yet. 

Boh. (finishing zcith dishes and emptving dish-zvater 
in pail at R.). It begins to look like we're in for a long 
siege, doesn't it? 

Chauncey. It sure does, but you can never tell about 
a woman. Sometimes they relent at the very time you'd 
think the case was hopeless. Right now, they might be 
figuring how they could retreat from their advance posi- 
tion without making it look like a rout. 

Boh. Well, we should worry! 

(//a/ and Jack enter from left. Hal throivs cap on cot 
and sits dozm in Morris chair; Chauncey leisurely 
stretches himself on cot; Boh walks over tozi^ard Hal, 
Jack sits in chair at right of table R., and prepares to do 
some writing in a tahlet ivhich he takes out of pocket.) 

Boh. {after eying the two questioningly) . Well, any 
news ? 

Hal. {indifferently). Oh, a little. 

Boh. What did Freda and Jane report concerning the 
enemy ? 

Hal. Nothing much. 

Boh. What the thunder are you so glum about ? Play- 
ing detective, or did you get turned down? 

Hal. {picking up hook and pretending to read). Oh, 
don't be so inquisitive. 

Boh. {grunting disgustedly). You're a fine grouch! 
{No reply.) 



28 The House Across the Way 

{Boh seats himself at end of table, facing audience, 
opening a book zvhich he has taken from I'eading table, 
and reads.. Every now and then he looks at Jack, sus- 
piciously, who is zvriting for dear life.) 

Bob. {to Jack). What-a you writin'? 

Jack, {zvithout looking up). A history of the South 
Sea Islands. 

Bob. Another wise guy ! Gee ! you fellows must have 
had some razor soup or something. 

Jack, {busily zvriting). Perhaps, {after some mo- 
ments Jacks folds up paper very small, takes out a heavy 
nail and ties note to it. Bob zvatches curiously. Jack 
goes over to zvindozv, drazvs back arm carefully, and 
throzus across alley. He stands there zmtching, and Freda 
comes to zvindozu and makes sign zvith her hand. Chaun- 
cey raises up on couch and looks at Jack.) 

Chauncey. Well, by gosh! I've heard of gum shoe 
trips and Sherlock Holmes' stunts, but this has them all 
beat! 

{Jack steps away from the zcindozv slightly, just so he 
can peek out, and motions for Chauncey to keep still. 
Bob turns and zvatches proceedings also. Just then the 
hre gong is heard in building across the alley. Bob, 
Chaimcey and Hal listen, auiazcd, for a second.) 

Bob. (excitedly). The flat's on fire! {gong rings 
again). 

Bob. Yes, there goes the gong again! Hurry fel- 
lows, let's get ready to help! {Chauncey, Bob, and Hal 
start for door pellmell.) 

Jack, {at zvindozv). Wait! Wait! They're at the 
window ! 

Chauncey. Who? 

Jack. The girls ! They're scared to death ! Be quiet 
so I can hear what they say! {Dorothy calls across to 
Jack, zvhile the other three boys crozcd to zvvidozv.) 

Dorothy. Jack, they say the stairway and all is on 
fire below ! We can't get out ! You must save us ! Oh, 



The House Across the Way 29 

what shall we do? What shall we do? (Girls make con- 
fused noise and scream.) 

Jack. Quick, fellows, the plank! It's right outside 
the door ! (Boh and Hal rush to the hall for plank, while 
Chaiincey holds door open for them. The plank is hasti- 
ly brought in, and they all shove it out of zmndow, and 
with difficulty get it across to opposite zmndow.) 

Boh. (at window). Come on girls, it's your only 
chance! Don't stand and look, come on! That's the 
stuff, Freda ! Be careful ! be careful ! Two of you girls 
help steady the plank at that end! (Freda crosses and 
crawls inside.) 

Chauncey. (to Jane on plank). That's the stuff, Jane, 
you've got the nerve ! You're doing fine ! (Jane crosses.) 

Boh. Come on Dorothy, you're next ! 

Dorothy. Oh Bob, I can't, I can't! 

Boh. Yes you can ! Just shut your eyes and crawl 
straight ahead! Come on, don't wait! (Dorothy starts 
out.) That's it, keep right on, you're doing fine! You're 
over half way across ! There, I can reach you. (reaches 
out to help her). 

Jack, (quickly to Boh). Make her promise to forgive 
you before you let her in. 

Boh. Do you promise to forgive me, Dorothy? 

Dorothy. Yes, yes, anything, Bob ! 

Boh. And you will never get mad at me again? 

Dorothy. No, never! 

Boh. All right, come on in. (Dorothy crazcls in and 
sinks into chair greatly frightened. Hal and Jack look 
on and grin and then go to windozv to help hold plank.) 

Chauncey. Now you, Betty. Careful, now, careful ! 

Betty. I'm coming, look out ! 

Chauncey. (as Betty reaches zcindozv). Do you take 
an oath to forgive me? 

Betty, {trenihlingly). Yes, Chauncey. 

Chaiincey. All right, come on in. (Betty crazvls in 



30 The House Across the Way 

and sinks into Morris chair at left. Bob and Chauncey 
start for door.) 

Bob. Maybe we can do some good below. Hurry, 
let's go ! 

{Jack and Hal stand at right and look on laughing.) 

Jack. Don't be excited fellows. It was only a false 
alarm. 

Dorothy and Betty, {in concert). A false alarm! 
{They look at Jane and Freda zdio stand near window.) 

Dorothy, {to Jane and Freda). Was that all a put 
up job? 

Freda. I'll have to "fess up," it was. {Betty and 
Dorothy look at each other questioningly, and Bob and 
Chauncey do the same.) 

Boh. {to Hal and Jack). Well, by George. You are 
all right after all. Put'er there, {zcalks over and shakes 
hands idth Jack and Hal and Chauncey does same). 

Betty, (to Bob and Chauncey). You are the victors 
in this siege, it seems, but you will have to admit that 
you won only through a technicality. 

Bob. Yes, there is a slight flaw in the title, but do 
you regret it? 

Betty. No, I guess not. 

Bob. {to Dorothy). Are you sorry, Dorothy? 

Dorothy. No, Bob, I think I was foolish, and I'm 
tired of this make believe affair. 

Bob. Then I might as well confess that I'm heartily 
ashamed of having caused all of this inconvenience and 
worry, but after all, we've had some fun out of it. 

Jane. Fun ? Why it was worth a life-time to see how 
scared those girls were coming across the plank. 

Dorothy. Just as thous^h you weren't scared, your- 
self. 

Jane. Oh well, I had the fun of seeing you come over, 
while you were too scared to notice me. {Dorothy and 
Betty shake their fists at Freda and Jane.) 



The House Across the Way 31 

Betty. We'll get even with you all right. You just 
wait. 

Chaiincey. All's well that ends well, so let's not argue 
the question any further. As for me, I have visions of 
the good, old dormitory and a square meal. 

Dorothy. And why did you stay in such a barren- 
looking place as this? 

Chauncey. Can you ask that now? 

Hal. {clapping his hand over his heart). Oh, this is 
too much, (falls over in chair). 

Dorothy. You'll think it's too much. Remember 
we're not through with you either, Hal Wickland. 

Hal. Do your worst. I die happy. 

Freda, (coining over to Dorothy and Betty). Come 
on, we must be going. In your excitement you seem 
to have forgotten that we are paying rather a late call, 
and not chaperoned, at that. 

Betty. Yes, we niiist be going. No doubt there will 
be enough scandal attached to our doings of late with- 
out adding insult to injury. (All girls move toward 
door.) 

Bob. Just a moment before you go. Say, don't you 
think we can plan to get the professor and Mrs. von 
Klein together at another picnic or something? I know 
they're both dying to straighten matters up, and they 
don't know just how to go about it. 

Dorothy. That's a good idea. We'll see Mrs. von 
Klein and get her to go with us, and you see the pro- 
fessor and bring him along and the rest will come out 
all right. We were the whole cause of their trouble, and 
I think we owe it to them to help right matters. Shall 
we do it, girls? 

Jane, I vote aye. 

Betty. I'm in for it. I've thought of that several 
times. 

Freda. I think it's the thing to do. 



32 The House Across the Way 

Dorothy. Unanimously carried. How about your 
colleagues, Bob? 

Boh. (to Jack, Hal, and Chauncey). What do you 
say? 

All. (saluting). Aye, aye. Captain. 

Bob. Then let's make Saturday the day. Saturday at 
2:00 p. m. 

Girls. All right, we'll be there, (exit girls). 

Bob. (after door is closed). Well who'd a thought 
the solution to our little mystery would have come so 
soon? Here only a little while ago we were wondering 
how much longer we'd have to hold the fort. 

Chauncey. It only bears out my statement that it 
doesn't do a fellow any good to worry. 

Hal. But after all is said and done, you'll have to 
give it to Jack and me for solving the riddle, eh Jack? 

Jack. Yes sir, we are the original peacemakers. 

Bob. The day has been a rather strenuous one for 
me, and I don't know how you feel about it, but I vote 
to turn in and catch a few needed winks. And by the 
way, this will be our last night in the old nest, (turn- 
ing to Chauncey) . I believe this is your night to sleep 
in the Morris chair. 

Chauncey. It makes no difference to me. I think I 
could sleep on the window sill if I had to. 

(Bob pulls out a cot and unfolds it, placing it at right 
of table right; Chauncey moves Morris chair to middle 
of room; Hal unfolds cot at left, and Jack use's the one 
at left of windozi'. The beds are made during the next 
few minutes, and all seem in a merry mood: Hal ichis- 
tles loz^'ly to himself as he fixes his cot, and the others 
are humming a lively college air as they work. They 
hang up szveaters and pull pajamas and bed slippers from 
suitcases or trunk preparatory to retiring. Bob takes his 
pajamas and slippers and disappears behind screen at 
right, making hurried change. Others wait seated on 
their cots.) 



The House Across the Way 33 

Bob. {behind screen). Say, how would you fellows 
have felt if one of the girls had slipped off the plank and 
fallen three stories to the pavement below? 

Jaek. We zvere taking an awful chance weren't we? 
But somehow I didn't think how dangerous it really 
was. 

Chauneey. The thing that made it all the more dan- 
gerous was the fact that two of the girls were scared 
nearly to death by what they were sure was a fire. I'll 
tell you I breathed a sigh of relief when the last one 
was across. 

(Bob appears in pajamas and slippers, and crawls 
into bed and drazi's up the covers. Jack and Hal slip be- 
hind screen.) 

Bob. (to Chauneey). There I was worrying about 
what might have happened. But after all, it was a hor- 
rible risk to take. 

Chauneey. About the same as sleeping in a Morris 
chair, I'd judge. A fellow's taking a chance of being 
crippled for life in this blamed thing. It is likely to give 
me curviture of the spine. 

Hal. (from behind screen). I hope you don't get 
that. You're near enough no account now. 

Chauneey. Speak when you're spoken to, will you? 

(Ho! and Jack come from behind screen and crawl 
into bed, while Chauneey goes behind screen.) 

Jack. I'll bet any of you an athletic season ticket that 
I'm asleep first. 

Hal. How are you going to prove it? 

Jack. Why, ask me ; I'll tell you. I'll have to hurry, 
though, for Bob's got a head start. 

(All is quiet and all three pretend to sleep. Chauneey 
turns light lozif and crawls into Morris chair.) 

Chauneey. (after some moments in zMch he makes 
a vain endeavor to cover his feet and pull the covers up 



34 The House Across the Way 

around his chin). Say, can't some of you help me a lit- 
tle? Hey, Bob. 

Boh. {sleepily). Huh? 

Chauncey. Come cover up my feet. 

Bob. The next time you wake me up after I get to 
sleep, I'll sail a shoe at your head. 
' Chauncey. {after quite a pause). Say, Bob? 

Boh. What in thunder do you want? 

Chauncey. Oh, I just wanted to tell you before I for- 
get it that I won't need your help on that dishwashing 
business tomorrow night. 

{Boh throzi's shoe.) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT IV. 



{Wood scene, same as Act I. Mrs. von Klein 
is discovered seated on camp chair at left; girls 
seated on ground near hy.) 

Dorothy. Isn't this just the loveliest day ever, Mrs. 
von Klein? 

Mrs. von K. It is, indeed, Dorothy, but it reminds 
me of another such day that began just as auspiciously ; 
when joy and gladness reigned supreme in every heart. 
And then, that awful monster, discord, stealthily stole 
into our midst, and we were left sorrowing. 

Freda. Oh, Mrs. von Klein, do not let your thoughts 
of that other day afifect our happiness now. By-gones 
are by-gones. I'm sure I see no cause for mourning. 

Mrs. von K. Perhaps you don't, Freda, but wdien 
you have seen as much of life as I have you will think 
differently. Life is too short to permit of even a mo- 
ment's needless heartache. 'Tis true that you whose 
hearts are young, and whose spirits readily revive after 
sorrow may laugh away that incident when all bonds of 



The House Across the Way 35 

friendship were burst asunder, but to me, the breach is 
irreparable. 

Betty. Mrs. von Klein, do you mean that you think 
the Professor will never be friendly toward you again? 

Mrs. von K. (quickly). Oh, my dear Betty, I did 
not have him especially in mind, at all. No, by no means 
no. I was thinking of your own unhappiness and the 
bitterness which may have been engendered in your 
young hearts. 

(The girls lookknozmngly at one another and smile.) 

Jane. I feel perfectly sure that when the Professor is 
approached in the right way he will gladly forgive you, 
Mrs. von Klein, and the rest of us, who are entirely to 
blame. 

Mrs. z'on K. (sighing). Possibly, but I have my seri- 
ous doubts. You do not know the Professor as I know 
him. He is a man of great depth, and once offended, 
he is rarely conciliated. A man, essentially of high and 
lofty ambitions, noble character, and indomitable will 
and courage, yet he is very susceptible to discourtesy, 
and I fear his feelings are wounded forever. 

(The girls rise hurriedly, affecting great surprise.) 

Girls. Look! Look! Who's that coming? 

Mrs. von K. (rising and looking off stage). On my 
soul ! It's those pesky boys again ! — And who have 
they with them? (adjusts her spectacles). Can it be 
possible? Yes, girls, it's the Professor. (]\Trs. von 
Klein is greatly excited, zvhile the girls try to suppress 
their merriuient. lite four boys come on stage at right 
half dragging the reluctant Professor.) 

Boh. Here he is, girls. Pass judgment on him. He 
can't get away. (Professor struggles to free himself, 
and appears very much excited and disheveled.) 

Prof. Listen to me, young men ! Listen this one 
time ! I cannot permit it ! I must not come where I 
am unwelcome. 

Jlfny. von K. (interrupting). Boys, how dare you 



36 The House Across the Way 

treat your Professor thus? Have you no respect for 
learning! Do you not revere gray hairs? Listen to me 
before you have gone too far. 

Hal. {holding out a hand as a signal for her to be 
silent. Very pompously). Have no fear, Mrs. von Klein. 
We have no evil intentions, I assure you. On the other 
hand, we have come on an errand of mercy, and, (turn- 
ing to the girls with a grin). I trust also of love. 

Prof. Young men, I insist that I be released at once ! 
I cannot suffer this intrusion! 

Jack, (still holding Prof, by arm). As a prisoner of 
war you have no choice but to do as commanded. 

Bob. (to Mrs. von Klein, especially). We have thus 
forcibly brought the Professor here, because, as you can 
readily see, he would come in no other way. We have 
brought him in order to patch m.atters up, if possible. 
The Professor was in no wise to blame for the trouble 
some days ago. His motives were the best, and his ac- 
tions were prompted alone by chivalry. And you, Mrs. 
von Klein, were dragged into the controversy because 
you w^ere too devoted a chaperon to not take sides with 
the girls who have trusted you implicitly for so long. 
Let's all forgive and forget. 

(Boys and girls applaud loudly, and the Professor 
rather reluctantly advances to shake Mrs. von Klein's 
proffered hand.) 

Prof. Words cannot express the joy I have in once 
more feeling that all enmity between us has forever van- 
ished. I assure you that I value your friendship very 
very highly, indeed, and I am genuinely sorry for any 
indiscretion which I may have been guilty of in that un- 
pleasant episode which, fortunately, has such a happy 
termination. 

Boys and Girls. Bully for you, Professor. 

Mrs. von K. T thank you for these generous words. 
But I held you blameless from the start, knowing that 
it was out of the generosity of your heart that you ap- 



The House Across the Way 37 

peared, for the time, to ruthlessly sacrifice oiir long- 
standing friendship for a new one. 

(During the foregoing speech the boys and girls 
quietly ivithdraw and disappear at right and left in 
couples.) 

Prof, (discovering they are alone). Upon my word. 
Gone as if by magic. I dare say all this has been care- 
fully planned by them. They are a jolly crowd and it 
gives them great joy to thus affect a reconciliation be- 
tween us. [Mrs. von Klein seats herself on camp stool 
in front center.) 

Mrs. von K. A reconciliation, indeed. That implies 
a breach of friendship at some time prior to this time. I 
assure you, my dear Professor, that my regard for you 
has never been lessened in the least. 

Prof, (drawing nearer). How good to hear you say 
that, Mrs. von Klein. It raises me "out of the slough of 
despond and places me triumphant upon the mountain 
top. 

Mrs. von K. My dear Professor, you flatter me in 
thus valuing my mean worth. 

Prof, (kneeling beside her). Not in the least, Mrs. 
von Klein. I could not undervalue your worth if I 
tried. To me you have always been my ideal, my hope, 
my guiding star. {Mrs. von K. toys zmth her fan). I 
have often trusted, hopelessly, it seemed, that some day 
I might break down that barrier of reserve which seems 
to hold us apart and then, some glad day to win and 
claim you as companion of my joys and sorrows, an 
ever-present ideal and helper. {Taking her hand and 
kissing it.) Oh, will you not assure nie of this eternal 
happiness ? 

Mrs. von K. (zciping her eyes). Ah, yes, my dear 
Professor, if I only felt worthy of you. 

(At this juncture the girls and boys, as if by pre- 
arrangement, suddenly run in, and completely surround 
the Professor and Mrs. von Klein, dancing about them, 
hands clasped, shozcering them zvith flozvers zvhile they 



38 The House Across the Way 

sing a lively air. They then form, a semi-circle about the 
couple and bozv to them. The Professor steps forth and 
delivers the foUozcing speech zvith great feeling.) 

Prof. My dear young friends : I can in no wise ex- 
press my gratitude to you, try as I may. You have made 
Mrs. von Klein and me the happiest couple in all the 
world. Years have been rolled away, and we stand here 
before you and the world of nature, sublimely happy. 

Boh. Keep the change, Professor. The pleasure is all 
ours. 

Mrs. von K. And now, children, there is but one 
more thing necessary to make my happiness complete. 

All. Name it. Name it. 

Mrs. von K. It concerns Rob, especially, and all, in 
a measure. Promise me to strive constantly to improve 
your native tongue, and discard all slang from your 
conversations wherever these may take place. 

Bob. {stepping fori^'ord and shaking Mrs. von Klein's 
hand). Pll go you one if I lose. 

CURTAIN, 



AHITONYflURNEXTPRIieMIII! 

Something Out of The Ordinary 
In High-Glass Humorous Songs. 



MUSICAL SKETCHES FOR YOUNG LADIES 

By Harry C. Eldridge 

These fill an urgent need in supplying 
musical numbers with action, for any secular 
program, for girls or ladies of any age. Clever 
words and singable music combined to make 
novel numbers for your entertainment. 

THE HAT OF OTHER DAYS. Everyone knows how 
ridiculous the changing styles make out-of- 
date hats appear. The song is based on this 
fact, and the appearance of these **hats of 
other days'' will cause loads of merriment 

"I CAN'T DO A THING WITH MY HAIR SINCE IT'S WASHEr 
Did you ever hear the above expression ? They 
all say it. This song is for a merry group of 
girls who have trouble in keeping their hair in 
bounds. A jolly song. 

REDUCED TO $1.99. The figures in a dry goods 
show window are indignant at having to par- 
ticipate in so many "reduction sales," and, 
revolting, walk off the stage after telling 
their troubles in song. The eccentric motions 
of these figures make a very laughable number. 

THE WINNING WAYS OF GRANDMA'S DAYS. Sung in 
costume, this portrays the many welcome and 
pleasing* costumes of **ye oklen times." Di- 
rections for minuet included. Very enjoyable. 
Any one of tlie above sent postpaid on receipt of 25 coats. 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

Franklin, Obio 



HERE ARE 



SOME OF OUR VERY NEW TITUS 



It is always a satisfaction to be the first to 
get hold of new and novel entertainments, 
and here is YOUR chance: 

PLATS fOB miAU CflABlCmS 

tot Morab's First LwdiMo 2Se 

WbiR Sliakitpnre Stnick Tbi Tewi .. 2Sc 

Yi Tia Party of Ye Oldan rnw 2k 



TWO CUVER NUSKAL PUTS POB 

Undir The Sugar Plwn Tree 48c 

In Little folks Town 40c 

two MW MOCK TSIAU 

Father Time's Chrlstnias Trial 15c 

WHI Soakum's Matrimonial Boreaa 25c 

THREE SPLENDID BOOKS 

Dramatic Stories, Myths and Legemis.... \ Pafier 35c; Beanb 50c 

For CUldreD— Th« Sta^e or Seboel Boon ( 

Ooed StPflts for Commencement Week 50c 

Novelties That WUl Eidhrcn This Festive OccaskMi 

What to Say For Closing Day 30c 

6eod Dialogs. Exercises, Etc. for Closliig Day, 
SEND ORDERS TO 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

Franklin, Ohio 



" THE HOUSE TBAT HELPS " 

WE ARE SPEOAUSrS IN 

Amateur Entertainments 

It is not a side line with us, bnt we 
devote our entire time to that bvsiness 



Realizing that many people have grown 
weary of searching through catalogs and read- 
ing entertainments only to discard them as 
unavailable we appreciate^the fact that our cus- 
tomers have often spoken of us as "the house 
that helps/' We have had practical exper- 
ience in selecting and producing amateur en- 
tertainments and we feel that we know what 
will please the public, and what can be pro- 
duced under certain conditions. Our experience Is 
at your disposal. Write us, giving full particulars 
of your special need in the way of an enter- 
tainment, and we will select a play, an oper- 
etta, a drill or even an entire program for you. 
But always enclose a stamp for the reply. 

Remember, that in addition to our entertain- 
ments we carry a large line of publications of 
other dealers. If in doubt as to the entertain- 
ment you desire, send particulars and we 
will suggest something to fit. 
We are at your service. 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

Franklin, Ohio 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



TWO PLAYS FOR 




By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS. 



016 103 701 if 



Mr. Tibbals has been unusually successful in fur- 
nishing boys' plays- that introduce characters true to 
life. While the plays are strong and forceful in the 
lessons they teach, clean comedy predominates and 
the boys like them. 



1 



*<The Millionaire Janitor 



>f 



A comedy in two acts. Here is a rollicking play 
for eight or more boys with plenty of action. Just 
the thing for a Boys' Class or Junior Y. M. C. A. 
Easily staged and costumed. Opportunity for intro- 
duction of musical numbers and recitations. By in- 
• troducing such features the play may be used for 
an entire evening's entertainment. 

Price 25 Cents 



«« 



Up Caesar's Creek" 



A splendid play for any number of boys. The 
characters are real boys and the play deals with their 
experiences while camping up Caesar's Creek the per- 
formance closing with a minstrel show in camp. Cos- 
tumes and scenery are not elaborate and the play may 
be produced on any stage. 

Price 25 Cents 

These comedies are protected hy copyright, but 
permission for amateur production is granted with 
the purchase of the book. 



ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 



Franklin, Ohio 

95 



